The good, the bad, and the ugly....in reverse order

The Ugly
Pattern: "Fake Isle Hat" by Amy King, available for free here
Yarn: Cascade 220 (Royal Blue) and Noro Silk Garden (284)
Needles: US 6 Circular and dpns (worked in the round)
Size: M/L
Mods: reversed variegated yarn for CC instead of MC since I had less of it than the solid

Plus: I think this is a pretty impressive first attempt at stranded fair isle. I won't say it's easy, but it's far from impossible. I can see really enjoying this once my hands get the hang of it.
Delta: Woo-boy! This color combo turned out pretty dismal. Oh well. That wasn't really the point. Also, the stranded technique makes the hat double think, making it way warmer than anyone would need in Dallas. Finally, my gauge started out okay, but the stranding got tighter and tighter as I worked my way up the crown, making it too small for an adult, as well as kind of puckered around the top decreases. I think it will serve a noble purpose with Warm Woolies.

The Bad

We met with a fertility specialist today, and he basically shot me through the heart. Essentially, he predicted only a .25% chance of conceiving on our own each month, and 3.5% chance using Clomid, IUI, and donor sperm (per attempt). Around and around we went, with him continually pulling us back to the conclusion: IVF is the only way, unless, of course, you're idiots. Before the meeting, we had decided that IVF is out of the question due to the exorbitant price, so this consultation essentially boiled down to telling me I would never have a child of my own.

The Good
I took a few naps, ate some Mexican food, did some reading and thinking, and I'm less despondent. He reduced our chances of conceiving from the get-go by 95%, just based on the news that I had endo, even though it's extremely mild at this point. The truth is, doctors still have no earthly idea what the link between endo and infertility is, beyond a sheer tendency. Many women with endo conceive without intervention; there's every reason to believe that I could be one of those women.

He further reduced our chances by half because of the chromotubation results, saying that it's probably blocked with endo and useless (although he appreciated that my doctor was being "optimistic" when she explained that it could have been a harmless spasm). There's every chance that she's correct, and I plan to follow up with an HSG next month to verify.

Lots of other things he said didn't make sense (such as a Varicocele being responsible for Jake's poor motility and morphology). I realize that he has a vested interest in selling me IVF and that his doctor-y tendency is to trust the controlled and precise over the mysterious and unpredictable. I realize that pretty much all fertility specialists consider IUI the caveman's solution, but it still improves our chances above the present situation. I want to try it for a few cycles before moving on to adoption.

I am not giving up.

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